Why am I crying now?

I use to see tears as a sign of weakness. I was an extremely emotional child growing up. Then I grew this exterior that only expressed sadness when I lost a loved one. Other than that, I was never one to wear my heart on my sleeve.

Going through the divorce process, I learned that if I didn’t allow myself to feel all the feels, then I might one day be full of anger instead of temporary sadness. The last few years of my life have been quite the rollercoaster. I can pinpoint the moment that my emotions started showing.

I lost my Dad when I was 7 weeks pregnant. My Dad past exactly 6 months after I got married. I was told that I needed to control my emotions while carrying the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I don’t know if I can place blame on my Dad or my pregnancy for breaking this wall in me down.

Now here are a few thing that I have cried over. Some things make sense. Some not so much.

The News
Sad movies
At night when my child is asleep
YouTube videos of soldiers coming home
Sweet sports moments
Happy family moments
The life I thought I’d have, simply not being a reality

Just to name a few.

I wish I had a reason why. I’m happy to have feelings. I know I will continue to cry at the most random little things. I’m sure I’ll be back with pt. 2


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